The Trouble With Words That Can’t Make Up Their Minds

Fun Trivia About the Words That Say One Thing—and the Opposite

I live in a town where people argue over everything—except fishing, funerals, and what day the dump is open. So, when I heard someone say, “We need to sanction the mayor,” it wasn’t clear whether we were giving him a gold star or kicking him out of office.

That’s when it hit me. Our entire town might be run by contronyms.

You know, contronyms—those sneaky little words with opposite meanings depending on how you use them. They’re like teenagers: helpful one minute, hostile the next. English is full of them. And our town? Apparently, we speak fluent contradiction.

It started with the mayor. He left office—only, no one could tell if left meant he walked out on purpose or just hadn’t come back from lunch. One council member said he resigned. The other said he resigned—but the tones didn’t match. Turns out, one meant he quit, the other meant he signed up again.

Down at the hardware store, Lars Olson clipped a coupon to save on hedge trimmers. Then he clipped his hedge. One “clip” added something; the other took it away. Lars just shrugged. “I dust the shelves when I want to clean ’em,” he said, “and I dust the crops when I want to cover ’em. You figure it out.”

Cleo at the library held a fast to protest the town’s slow internet, then said our new router was fast—as in reliable. We didn’t know if she was hungry or impressed. Meanwhile, Caleb Mercer tried to weather the economic storm by starting a business. The weather wore him out.

Over at the Deli Kitchen, George Khan screened a documentary about local wildlife, then screened off the back room so no one could see it. Rebecca Larson asked if we were bound for anything that didn’t contradict itself. George said we were bound to try.

Even our church signs got in on the confusion. Hold Up the Light! it said one week—was that encouragement or a delay? The next Sunday: Stone the Sin, Not the Sinner. Aisha Khalid politely asked if we were throwing rocks or taking pits out of peaches.

Chloe, who teaches over at the high school, gave a passionate speech about how we needed to trim the budget but not trim the arts. “We can’t consult experts if we won’t consult one another,” she said. She was right. But half the town thought consult meant advise, the other half thought it meant seek advice. We all nodded like we understood.

Dan Larson, ever the peacemaker, said our community was out. Out of patience? Out in the open? Out of ideas? He never clarified. He just said, “Look, sometimes the alarm goes off, and sometimes the light goes on.” Then he went fishing.

Even our town vote turned into a contronym competition. We executed the plan—nobody was harmed, thankfully—and then someone asked if the decision was a model for future policy. “A model like a good example,” they said. “Or a scaled-down version?” We didn’t know. We approved the measure, and the clerk replied, “Your oversight is appreciated.” Comforting or concerning?

Teresa Nikas, our most patient teacher, finally said it straight: “Words matter. Especially the ones that don’t know what they mean.” She wrote every contronym on her whiteboard. Dust, stone, screen, clip, trim, fast, weather, bound, left, consult, oversight, resign, model, out, hold up, sanction, seed, execute, dusting (again—because we can’t decide), and present (which, of course, wasn’t).

The Author Masterminds heard about it, and now they want to turn it into a book. Ron Rabe is working on the cover. Mary Ann Poll thinks we need a podcast. Carl Douglass suggested we add a quiz. And since this is the kind of trivia Master Prompt lives for, we might just turn it into a calendar: 365 Contradictions That Made History.

So, if you’re ever in Cedar Valley, bring a dictionary—and maybe a translator. We don’t always agree on what we mean, but we’re pretty good at meaning well.

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